Doctor Number Three

During any crisis situation, I believe most people are able to tap into reserves that allow them to continue functioning at a certain level. Well, that's what I used to believe. The truth is, you have to dig deep for understanding and acceptance and the will to go on.

At Tanner's next doctor, a retina specialist named Elias Mavrofridas (Dr. Mav, for short), we went through the same routine of the past two days. There were several new tests added, including one that required the administering of an IV medicine, to facilitate an imaging device that would take pictures of his retina and optic nerve.

Dr. Mav showed me a picture of Tanner's right optic nerve, and he said that he believed this was the culprit. He explained how the optic nerve appeared atrophied, and that meant that Tanner's blindness had happened a while ago. He said that teens are good at compensating, and that even though Tanner noticed it just a few days ago, it was not a new problem.

He said that even if Tanner had noticed it when it first happened, that there was nothing that could have been done to help it. Now, we had to go to the fourth doctor, a neuro-ophthalmalogist. It hit me then. Tanner was blind in his right eye. Three doctors didn't know why. What was wrong with my baby? I began to cry, in great, gasping sobs.

Dr. Mav tried to console me. Look, he said. I see patients all the time who are going totally blind, at least he still has sight in his left eye.

"Doctor," I said. "I understand that you are trying to give me a glass -half full approach to this. But this is MY glass."

At the time, I thought I was clever. Now I realize that he didn't know what to do with a crying woman.